Groping about for an answer

... to the question of why train groping seems to be so widespread in Japan, or Tokyo at least, I checked my mailbox to find one of these squalid little adverts for, well, what exactly? I gather this is a service for men to go and chat with young girls. Who knows what else they do, but the fact that their central selling point is that you may get to look up schoolgirls' skirts might, just might, perpetuate the myth that it's OK to go-a-groping on the trains too. Creepy, creepy Japan. Ugh.

Mt. Fuji, la retour

For the second - and last - time I climbed up Mt. Fuji. The weather was great + the sunset/sunrise were really amazing. Coming down is a major bummer though as it kills your thighs and your toes. If I were ever to do it again I'd climb to the 8th, take sunset + sunrise photos, stay in a hut and come straight down. The final march to the top reveals nothing more and is 3+ hours of extra needless pain....

Pills so good they take you to heaven?

Seen in a Tokyo pharmacy.

More Kyoto - well, it's worth it

The top photo is of the stepping stones that sweet Scarlet Johannson walked on in Lost in Translation - and I touched every one of them. It's in the garden of Heian Jingu if you really want to know.

Kyoto in August

People say you shouldn't go to Kyoto in August as the place is too hot. Still, this summer in Japan has been very weird and rather cool so I took my chances. I dug out the camera (Nikon D90 with 18-200mm lens) and headed south on the Shinkansen. 2.5 hours later I arrived, still sleepy from the morning train. Armed with a bunch of recommended walks I went to a mixture of places I'd been before and new ones. I took in the castle, Kiyomizu temple, Heien temple and rounded off with the Golden temple, which I timed rather nicely to get the sunlight. Sadly they kick people out at 5 pm so it wasn't perfect, but perfect enough. I think I lost a kilo pounding those pavements but it was really very beautiful and out of 750 shots I got a few dozen nice ones. So, when people tell you not to go to Kyoto in August, say "balls!" and go anyway. It may not be what it once was - in fact, it's shameful how real estate developers have persuaded old people to leave their homes only to have the places torn down and replaced with modern flats. That's Japan; a host of often infuriating contradictions; they love the past and their culture but they still don't mind tearing it down. Balls to them too.

Not everyone in Tokyo is completely bonkers... but ...

Captured at Shibuya station.

Uh?

Height: 180 cm, 88 kg, eyes: brown, hair: unknown.

Cyclists in Japan; a thin line between love and hate

I just don't get it - in fact, it's so annoying, all you can do is blog. You cycle to the shops, park up, lock up, come back 10 minutes later and your goddamn bike has disappeared. Only it hasn't; some busybody has moved it 5 yards away. I realise I may not be the best bike parker in the world but I do sometimes wish they'd just leave it the hell alone. It's not like I parked it in the middle of the street.

The local gym has a parking space for bikes - only you can't use it till 9 a.m., which is odd cause the gym opens at 6. So, between 6-9 there's a guy stood there not letting people park in a bit of free space that isn't hurting anyone. Pointless? I think so.

I sometimes park up opposite the train station midweek when I'm in a rush - there's lots of space and lots of bikes around - none of which are blocking the pavement, none of which are dirtying up the environment. Just a bunch of people who cycled part of the way to work to save time/money. All the bikes, when I returned, had these "You are evil - please remove this bike" label attached. They're not joking either. A day later, I noticed a truck being loaded up with unclaimed bikes. Honestly. why don't they just calm the fuck down, leave the bikes alone and go pick on some polluting trucks or speeding motorcyclists; Tokyo is full of them. But no, they pick on the cyclists, which for me smacks of misguided meanness of the silliest kind.

Five things I love about Japan

OK, the hate and the scorn come later, but for now, the things I love. Will I get all the way to five? Well, I'll try.

1. The food. Obvious one this. It's tasty AND healthy. Although sometimes the smells of fish and seaweed drifting from restaurants you pass too early in the day can put you off, most stuff (and it's not always 100% clear what the stuff is) goes down well. Even if you go to an event it's always more than just hotdogs and burgers, which is what you get in Britain.

2. The mountains. For skiing, Japan cannot be bettered. The choice and the conditions are excellent, the queues are short, the season long, the hotels are big and warm and the food is good. They also often have hot springs to bathe in after a day on the slopes. Nagano is 3 hours by train/bus from Tokyo, which means a long weekend is a perfect getaway.

3. The mountains. For summer hiking, it's a kind of paradise. Amazing. There are places where no cars go, making it a serious breath of fresh air. Magnificent.

4. The convenience. Convenient is Japanese people's favourite adjective. For some people, it's their only adjective. Why do you live in X? Because it's convenient. But it is; life has been organised well; around the station are restaurants, pubs, shops etc, and a few minutes from there is a tranquility you wouldn't imagine in a big city. Also, packages of food open easily, things are organised in general with an attention to detail that is gloriously simple - I often think to myself; why didn't we think of that? The Japanese did. Top marks.

5. Public transport. You don't really need your own car in Japan. The trains and buses wherever you go seem organised with their passengers in mind. The trains in the city are brilliantly organised, they run meticulously on time, they are clean and safe, they connect well with other trains, and they are, apart from Shinkansens, very cheap. Compared to London, for instance, Japanese trains are gloriously cheap.

6. Technology. Wow, I got to six. Japanese technical ingenuity is well known. They invented the Walkman and the hybrid car. You get a lot of brownie points for that. Even though Apple isn't Japanese, I feel it ought to be. As a lover of gadgets, Japan is a good place to be. Their cameras are the best. Enough said.

Next up, hate. Maybe I should make a top ten, or could I stretch it to twenty....

Oh, gross

I was washing my hands (for the 40th time of that particular day) in a Tokyo public lavatory. Behind me a toilet flushed and I saw the blur of a man rushing past me out - skipping the hand washing part - back into the world. It must be the Japanese sense of shame; that it's more shameful to be caught taking a shit than being seen not to wash your hands after the aforementioned movement.

I've talked on this blog before about fecal matter, how it gets everywhere because people don't wash their hands, then they touch door knobs, metro handrails, they shake other people's hands. Then people scratch their eyes, rub their noses, and bite their nails. That's how you get viruses - I know it's happened to me. But now, it's a little worse, with the swine flu among us. Even worse as the Japanese do not seem to have strict social rules on coughing and sneezing - they basically do it publicly, they do not cover their noses, and they don't seem to care where their germs go. I personally find it revolting, and it is one of the very least pleasant of Japanese social mores. I see it in children and I see it in adults, of all classes - it simply is not taught in homes and in schools, and that, to me, is vile.

One of the cutest photos ever?

It has nothing to do with Japan but it's worth putting up. The baby boar is 5 weeks old and was found abandoned in Germany somewhere. It now lives with a family and its Jack Russell and they spend their days chasing around and playing hide and seek. Childhood, eh?

Call yourself a meteorologist?

Just before the weekend we checked the weather to help plan what we could do around Tokyo. Friday it said heavy rainstorms, Sat was cloudy/rainy, and Sunday was more heavy rain. What happened? On Friday there was a cloudless blue sky for most of the day, today has been warm and dry yet somewhat cloudy, and tomorrow the forecast now says it's going to be sunny and warm.

"WTF?" would be my first reaction. But this goes back a long way; the BBC and others get it so wrong so much of the time that I wonder whether they are actually using any regular forecasting mechanisms such as satellite imagery. Honestly, if you want the Tokyo weather forecast the only way of doing it is to wait and stick your head out the window on the morning in question. If you have to plan ahead, take all types of clothing apart from in June/July when you it's likely to rain (though rainy seasons are paradoxically often quite dry - go figure) and August when the heat and humidity can take your breath away. In the latter case you'll be cursing that you went out with more than just a t-shirt and a pair of underpants.

The new pad

We've recently moved flat in Tokyo, which usually means basically handing over about $7,000 for a cardboard box with cardboard walls, that is too damn hot in summer and stupendously cold in winter. We are still waiting on roughly $5,000 in deposits and stolen rent that our last landlord has soon to supposedly return. If it doesn't come back I will be eating Natto for the next 6 months. The old place will be missed but the evil landlord (Mitsui Real Estate: approach with a very shitty stick) has left such a nasty taste in the mouth that it overrides the sense of nostalgia for all those wine and cheese parties and nights lounging on the sofa basking in our gorgeous surroundings.

In the meantime, I do have a pot to piss in, though the curtains need stretching a little...

Not holding out too much hope

Japan, as many people may have noticed/heard, is going through the biggest recession for 60 years. And how are retailers coping with all this upheaval? Well, the jury's out as I have not seen one single sale, and have not seen one single thing with a discount price on it. I even went to Akihabara to the huge Softmap store - there were at least 6 assistants on each floor rushing around, and about 10 customers in the whole shop. Whilst looking at an expensive lens an assistant approached me. I told him that if he knocked off 25% of the price I'd take it - he laughed. And so I walked out. Lord knows how these shops stay open but it certainly isn't through sales.

And then this caught my eye - in Ikebukuro - another of Tokyo's huge shopping metropolises. Bugger all bargains it should've been called - there was nothing with more than a 5-10% discount. If they're not going to be reasonable then neither am I, I thought, as I tightened my grip on my wallet and trudged off home.

Naive? Moi?

In Japan, one finds that any product can just about have any name going. Hence my previous photo of, for example, the Daihatsu Naked. But Naive Lady? When taking a dump? The mind boggles.

I'm not making this up

Found in our favourite local Thai restaurant: Urinetown, the musical.

Make no mistake...

The toilet door in Shimbashi's legendary 300 Bar

More blossom

Just in case you need a really good look at the stuff...

Bloody cherry blossom...

At this time of year in Japan, there really isn't anywhere you can go without either seeing it, hearing about it or smelling it. Still, I must say it is rather nice. I'm just not sure whether it's worth ALL the fuss...

I've come on holiday by mistake

I'm in England visiting my family. Only in March everyone's spread out like a fish supper across the north of England. So, I took it upon myself to hire a car and simply drive everywhere. The great benefit of this is that I get to choose some of the destinations in between, including the supremely weird Port Merion, setting of The Prisoner series back in the 60s, and then, up to the Lake District to visit Crow Crag, or in reality Sleddale Hall, setting for much of the truly wonderful Withnail and I. I'd dreamed about it a long time so hiking up there was rather surreal, as if I was still dreaming it. It's been bought by a local pub owner and I hope that he can do it up and turn it into a cafe or hostel so I can go back and actually go inside it. Here's a photo:

Ninja training school

This is the setting for the Ninja training school in You only live Twice back in 1967. Most of the film was made right in the south of the southernmost island in Japan but there are bits that are still recognisably Tokyo, which I will post up next....

Mt. Fuji

We went to a hotel in a place called Kawaguchiko near Tokyo with an advertised view of Mt. Fuji. I've climbed the fucker but I wanted to see it from close up with snow on it. We got a nice welcome at the hotel with plenty of bowing. We handed over £200 for the privilege (including major dinner it must be said) only to be dropped off in a room with a view of mountains. Only not THE mountain we'd come to see. My girlfriend said, don't worry, we can go outside and see it. I said fuck it, and marched back downstairs, paid another £40 and got the view above.

Honestly, sometimes the Japanese have this barrier between them and common sense that goes beyond the intensely irritating. Who the fuck goes to a hotel right next to Mt. Fuji to get a room facing in the opposite direction? Only a drongo. They clearly thought we were drongoes. At £200 a night I expect to see Mt. Fuji wherever the fuck I am in Japan, and especially when it's a mile away from my hotel.

You don't scare me

I caught these ninjas hanging out at Himeji castle near Kobe. Himeji is one of Japan's few remaining castles, most of which were burnt down, destroyed in wars or firebombed in World War 2. It's famous (for me anyway) as the place where they filmed the Ninja training school part of the Bond film, You only live twice. Classic.

Imperial Palace gatehouse

One I'm rather proud of. If you want the shot, you've gotta get up early is something I seem to have learned.

WTF?

There's really nothing one can say about this.

My girlfriend vomited in my hat

Sadly, she's the type to drink heartily then suddenly, mid sentence, drop down drunk. I should have noticed the signs; her saying "Me, drunk? Don't be daft" was the first clear indication of her soon being paralytic. In the end it was me who had to take her home, despite all her protestations of wanting to be left to die in the street. And to cap it off, if you'll excuse the pun, she vomited in my favourite hat. A small consolation was that I wasn't wearing it at the time, but we were in the back of a taxi and it seemed the only option available apart from ruining some poor man's evening and livelihood. Suffice to say, she was as rough as a badger's arse the next day, and my sympathy - at least on the surface - was limitless. I got my hat scrubbed clean but have not managed to get round to the idea of wearing it yet. It will take some time to get a few icky images out of my head before that happens.

Three months later...

Quantum of Solace arrives in Japan almost 3 months after the rest of the world got to see it. Is it because Japan is a backwater of the world? Is it because they don't like us? Balls, is what I have to say on the matter. Anyway, it's a fine film, Daniel Craig is as excellent as before and, contrary to some commentators, he is not a completely humor-free-zone. Having said that, his girlfriend died 20 minutes prior to Quantum opening: reason enough for anyone to not be cracking innuendoes the whole way through. You can see shards of Bourne though, across the rooftops, in the frantic editing, but that's no bad thing I suppose.

Proud to be an American

Only I'm not. An American. Only now, after the last 8 years of refusing to go there, of looking on in horror as the USA was taken over by a bunch of deeply disturbing criminals, I now wouldn't mind if I were an American. Proud I'd be, in fact, to have such an amazing, smart, thoughtful president who appears to have great faculties and high moral stature. If only all presidents could be like Obama. Good luck to him, and to America, and I, for one, will soon be heading their way to say hello at last. And welcome back from the moral wilderness.

Tokyo autumn now long gone

Here's a photo of the park I go to to take photos of the changing weather. Taken around early December the trees still had a few leaves. I will post again when I go back there next week.

Tree worshipping

Apparently - and I don't know the ins and outs of this - some people (OK, let's say wackos) in Japan like to pick on a tree and bless it - not because it's a particularly special tree in the arboreal scheme of things, but simply as an example. They then give praise to it. I love trees - we would be stuck without them, and I think if you're going to worship anything then why not a random tree? The only problem being that in the process it makes you look like a loon, but the fact that some people do it anyway is rather nice.

Enfant terrible? Not quite

This isn't about Japan but I gotta say something, primarily because I used to live in the Czech Republic.
Anyway, a Czech artist called David Cerny was supposed to organize the hiring of 27 artists around Europe for an artwork representing Europe. In fact he did it all himself with a couple of mates. In it there are national stereotypes representing the countries. Out of Cerny's supposedly brilliant imagination we have, among others, Bulgaria shown as a toilet, Germany as an interweaving set of autobahn in the shape of a swastika (groan), and Romania as a Dracula theme park. It's not surprising really that the whole of Europe are up in arms in indignation, especially seeing as the dim Czechs currently hold the rotating presidency.
And what about how the Czechs represent themselves? It doesn't say, but let me have a try: a fat man with a mullet hairstyle kicking a gypsy? Is that any more offensive than being called Nazis? Cerny is not so much enfant terrible as simply terrible. What a silly little tit.

Spot the prat

This terrible man's on TV and does a lot of adverts for food and beer. In every single one of them he has this demented imbecile grinning face. I would be heartened, I suppose, in some way to find out that he has some talent for doing other things than grinning, but in Japan I seriously have my doubts that thee is anything behind the smile.

The Purple Menace

It's January already and Japan is now back to work following the year-end 5-day sleep in. Whenever I ask Japanese friends/strangers/colleagues what they did during the holiday, they always - and I mean always - say they slept most of the time. This is to make up for the time spent avoiding sleep the other 11 months of the year when their companies are working them to death.

Meanwhile, here's a photo of the Purple Menace stalking Japan - a purple puffer jacket that appears to be all the rage. I saw one old chap with a less puffy purple puffer but now realize that he was wearing one from when they were last in fashion around 1972.

Yes, it's the Daihatsu Naked

"I'm just going down to the shops"
"Naked?"

Many other similarly hilarious conversations are no doubt being had across Japan. What next? The Nissan Codpiece? Mazda Thong? Honda Panties... I should be paid for this.